


All I've Ever Wanted

by Minadelli



Series: To The Stars [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Ice Skating, Some angst?, Toronto Cricket Skating and Curling Club, there'll be some fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21612841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minadelli/pseuds/Minadelli
Summary: Hello there!This is up a lot later than I thought it would be. I was hoping to finish an assignment before getting this up but…I've already written some parts before they happened in real life, and if the events I've written about don't pan out like in real life I don't plan on changing what I've already written, so it won't always line up.Throwaway is a song and the little bit of lyrics from the summary is from the song. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n256GrUVie0
Relationships: Yuzuru Hanyu/Evgenia Medvedeva
Series: To The Stars [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556497
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	1. Throwaway

_Summer 2018_

Yuzuru and I didn’t speak much after that. I sat on the sidelines thinking about it. I thought I was done with this. Over analyzing. I normally didn’t do that but he came on the ice while I was taking a water break. I was supposed to be done with that habit of mine. But habits are so hard to stop.

I looked over at him as he casually put his skates on from the other side of the rink and glided onto ice. I fumbled around with the laces on my skates and tripped onto the ice. I looked up to see Yuzuru standing over me, my cheeks starting to warm. _Did I really just stumble like a child in front of him?_ I was supposed to be composed and graceful on the ice. It was embarrassing enough without him there. 

“Need a hand?” He smiled at me.

I pushed down that awful fluttering in my stomach. “No, thank you.”

I brushed my legs off and skated away from him quickly. I didn’t need a distraction. I began to circle around the rink slowly in thought, once again in my bad habit. I was in the middle of my second lap when a figure dressed in a familiar black shirt and pants crashed into me.

“Oh, sorry. I should have been paying attention.” I looked up to see the person I ran into. “Yuzu?” My mouth went dry. I couldn’t believe that I just ran into him. _I guess today is full of embarrassment._

He swallowed. “Sorry,” he mumbled before almost running away on his skates.

I should’ve been used to that by then. It had been weeks and Yuzu couldn’t decide whether we were friends or he hated me. One minute, he’d be the goofball I used to know and the next, he’d be cold and distant. It didn’t matter whether we were on the ice or not, he could never decide.

Just then, Gabby skated up behind me. “You should meet me in the common room after practice. I want to hear your playlist.”

“I could just send it to you, Gabby.”

“Do it anyway.”

I shrugged and she skated away as stroking class started. I hid in the back, still feeling like a little bit of an outsider. I didn’t know why it felt like that. The other skaters all welcomed me and I’d been there for a few weeks already. It wasn't like I didn't have friends. Of course Yuzu was in the front.

Right after class ended, Brian stopped Yuzu from leaving the ice and whispered to him. I tried to ignore them as I practiced one or two jumps before leaving the ice myself but couldn’t help but glance over at Yuzu in his black Under Armour. I smirked to myself before I noticed Brian darting his eyes between us. I bit my lip, trying to look away. _Could they be talking about me?_

I shook my head to myself. I needed to focus. 

The two of them walked out and left me to do the Axel in peace. Other than the lutz, it was one of my larger insecurities. I clenched my fist. I’d improve it. I wouldn’t go back to that. I’d prove that. I would come back better than before.

*****************

I packed up and met Gabby in the study. It was really a smaller, private dining room away from the cafeteria that the skater’s had generally taken over many years ago and turned into a small place for themselves. Most of the time, it was used for a quiet place to work or cut music. Curtains were pushed away from the windows, and various beanbags and armchairs were scattered around the room and various tables, arranged in a semicircle in the middle of a few bookshelves. 

I saw Jason sitting on Yuzu on the ground, making me bite down on my cheeks, trying not to laugh.

“Why am I here?” he questioned Jason with boredom in Japanese.

“I understand what you’re saying. Saying it in Japanese isn’t going to hide anything,” I replied, briskly. Yuzuru’s cheeks turned pink as he stared at the ground, eyes wide.

“Well, Yuzu, you will tell Zhenya how you feel about her,” Gabby stated.

“Both of you aren’t leaving until you do anyway,” Jason added.

“That’s what this is about?” Yuzu flipped Jason over carefully and strode towards the exit. “No,” he said sternly in English.

Gabby ran to block the door. “You will do it, Yuzu," she warned.

“No. We all know what happens; she gets hurt. She should _just stay away_ from me.”

I thought our friendship meant something to him. It meant something to me. My blood began to boil. After our pre-Olympics injuries, I thought we were closer than ever. He wouldn’t talk to me, but he’d often call, asking how I was. We’d send each other notes, texts, care packages. But after that, sending me mixed signals; he just wanted nothing to do with me. Was I worthless to him?

“I’m right here, Yuzuru,” I hissed. “If you’re so repulsed by me then I’m going to leave.”

I stormed out of the room and went back to the rink. I needed to clear my head. I needed to skate. 

I laced up my skates and made a few laps around the rink. I wanted to jump. I needed to. I prepared myself for the lutz and glided backwards. It felt strange and new. But it was necessary for where I was now. _I'll show all of you._

A second later the cold was all around me, with the cool air from the rink and the ice against my body. It brought me back down to the truth. A truth that I would have to pour even more than what I had into this to achieve anything. To prove everyone wrong. This wasn’t a mistake. I hadn’t reached my peak yet. It was more than proving something to a couple of anonymous people on the internet who had nothing better to do. _I've moved beyond them._ I had something to prove to myself. To show myself. Little goals every day leading up to the biggest one. Beijing. Little goals I was hardly making a dent in.

I forced myself to get up and turned to leave the rink when I almost crashed into Yuzuru. 

“Leaving so soon?”

“What do you want?” My tone was sharp, hostile.

“Do you need help?”

“You just said I should stay away from you. So I will.”

He gritted his teeth. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Fine. Explain what you mean before I trample you with my skates,” I hissed.

“I just think it would be better for you.”

“Excuse me? How would you know what’s good for me? You don’t even want to be nice to me half the time.”

“Zhenya, I want to help you. But the way to do that is stay away from you. You know what happens…”

“I need your support, Yuzu. I need you to be there for me.”

He turned around, taking a step away from me. “I want to protect you. This is the only way I know how.”

“You think I give a damn about the internet?" My voice reeked of bitterness as I yelled. "I don’t care if they decide to bash me. It’s my life. I’m going to live it the way I want to.”

My temper was raging after his comments. I stormed off the ice and ripped off my skates, slamming the door to the rink shut as I left him alone on the ice. I went to the locker room to pick up my sweatshirt, plopping down on the bench in front of my locker and sighing. 

_Maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh_ , I thought. He was trying his best and I screamed at him for it. He should’ve at least known that he would make me feel confused and hurt and still, I needed his support. He had to understand that we were close and that our friendship was important to me before… whatever happened between us happened. I wanted something else but that would never happen. Not when we were like this. All that and I still wanted to see him happy.

So, I told myself, I would do what he asked.

I wasn't going to be happy about it. Not in the slightest. But if that was really what he wanted, I'd grin and bear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> This is up a lot later than I thought it would be. I was hoping to finish an assignment before getting this up but…  
> I've already written some parts before they happened in real life, and if the events I've written about don't pan out like in real life I don't plan on changing what I've already written, so it won't always line up.  
> Throwaway is a song and the little bit of lyrics from the summary is from the song. Here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n256GrUVie0


	2. A Good Night

I grabbed my sweatshirt and looked at the bottom of my locker. I left my bag at the rink. I groaned.

_It’d probably be too awkward to go back and get it after I exploded at Yuzu._ _I could go early tomorrow and retrieve it_ , I reasoned. Surely someone from the night cleaning crew would find it and give it to Brian. It would be in good hands.

I trudged outside to the bus stop and plopped down in the closest seat I could find. I had been focused on training for so long. I spent countless extra sessions on the ice trying to work everything out. Maybe I hadn’t had a quiet moment to truly feel the fatigue but it started to slowly wash over me, my eyes getting heavier and heavier. I leaned my head against the side of the window.

And then something outside caught my attention. It was familiar. His black clothes blended in with the darkness, yet he somehow made the dim streetlights look like moonlight against his skin. He ran alongside the bus until it turned the corner, disappearing into the dark.

I leaned back. There was no way that was real. Not after the conversation we had had. I had to be tired and just imagining things _._ That was just something my hazy brain made up.

As soon as I’d gotten home, I got ready for bed. I was about to crawl under the covers, awaiting the comfort they provided that I so desperately wanted. I’d take any sliver I could get.

And then there was a knock on the door. I got up, not wanting my mother to wake up, even though she probably wouldn’t have anyway. I dragged my feet across the floor, yanking the door open, to see Yuzuru awkwardly standing on the other side.

I cleared my throat, trying to prevent it from showing my surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“You left your things at the rink and I wanted to make sure you got them,” he said stiffly.

I was too tired to fight. “Thank you very much but I was going to go early tomorrow and get them.”

I looked at his face. Why was he really here? He just said he didn’t want me near him. He wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of finding my address just for this, would he?

He bit his lip and handed me my bag. His mouth moved, words barely coming out until he finally found something more than a breath. “I wanted to see you again.”

“Anything else?” I said, raising my eyebrow.

“No. Goodnight.” He turned to leave.

“Yuzu, wait.” He looked at me intently. I stepped outside the door. “What did you mean at the rink?”

We stared at each other in silence. I could see the look on his face. His eyes looked down at mine, an unfamiliar intensity in them. It was something I’d seen before. The gears in his mind were working. But never in these circumstances.

“It doesn’t matter now. I’m sorry I ever brought this up.” He brought his hands close to him and turned away again.

My temper flared as I hissed at him. I was fed up with his secrets. “Are you really going to do this? You say I’ll be hurt. I already have been. You hurt me. You can’t decide whether you hate me or not. Every few minutes you’d completely change. Plus all these secrets you’re hiding. They’re about me. I already know. You and Brian…” My voice faded into nothingness.

He turned back to see my face, his lips parted. Perhaps there were more than the secrets between us. Perhaps it was much worse than that.

“Just forget about it.” The cold air from the hallway blew in, making me shiver in my light t-shirt.

“No.”

He didn’t expect me to react this way but somehow that didn’t make it better. We were close and I had to acknowledge that, unfortunately, I was to keep distance between us. But that didn’t stop butterflies from forming in my stomach. Yuzu had come to my house, somehow, to deliver my bag. He didn’t have to and he wasn’t exactly following his own advice to stay away either. Maybe there was a chance?

I didn’t know why I did that. I should have let him go before I couldn’t have anymore. Forget about what we had. That I used to like him, that maybe, even though it was different, I still felt something between us. I thought I was done with that at the beginning of last season. Then it became obvious we weren’t going to talk much anymore. Hope is such a wonderful thing, yet hoping for too much is quite the opposite.

And then he had to come back, but not all the time. He was between two states. One where he would laugh and talk with me and one where he would brush me off. So maybe my feelings did return. But he was leaving again. It was time for them to leave too.

“I can’t,” he croaked.

“Okay then. Goodnight.”

Tears started to threaten my eyes and I wanted to scream. Scream at him. Scream at him that anything he would do now was nothing compared to what he’d already done. Scream at him that none of this mattered to me, even if I wanted to deny it. Scream at him to stop. Just stop.

I blinked rapidly. Was I actually about to cry over something silly like that?

“Wait.” I went to stand back inside, increasing the distance between us. He remained silent while I stared at the ground, too afraid to meet his eyes. Too afraid of what would happen if I did. What I’d see.

“Well? If you have nothing to say to me, I have to go to bed. I need to go to practice early tomorrow,” I said, preparing to close the door.

I came to the TCC to work and improve, not worry about Yuzu. I was serious about training. I had to be. I needed that reminder.

“I need you to understand,” he pleaded. “It’s for your own good. You need to know that. But I just can’t.”

“And why is that?” I said bitterly.

“You’re going to get hurt.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“Everything,” he said.

“I’ve been through more than you think with the media. And if you really did care for me, you would’ve talked to me. You wouldn’t have done this,” I shot back.

The wind kept on blowing.

“I really do care about you.” The words stung. His eyes became glassy.

“You don’t. That’s the truth. Don’t lie to me.” He looked at me carefully, his eyes low. “Goodnight.”

I shut the door on him and caught my breath. It was time to get my rest. But I couldn’t stop my curiosity. I looked through the peephole. He was still there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Yuzu.  
> Seeing him alone after his program was so sad. He said something along the lines of wanting to include a quad lutz in the free. And then there’s the quad Axel (!!) and their falls. While that’s amazing (and I have no idea how to process it. I mean, what!?) I just don't want him to get injured again.  
> On the bright side, I heard Ghislain arrived so hopefully they’re both doing well and working through everything. I really do hope Yuzu isn’t beating himself up too bad over the short.  
> Sorry about this large rant.  
> If I'm not here on Saturday, happy (early) birthday, Yuzu!
> 
> Russian Nationals is coming up too. Hopefully Zhenya is healthy and well, training in peace.
> 
> Side note: I'm horrendously bad at titling things so the title might be changing soon, we'll see. Sorry about that!


	3. Make it Right

“The plan is clearly not working.” Brian’s voice was audibly frustrated.

“I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do,” another voice responded, irritation grazing his words and familiar accent.

My plan for me was to go home and relax after a rough day of training. But my curiosity was piqued. Was it wrong to eavesdrop? Well, maybe I could’ve convinced myself to leave.

“Zhenya isn’t acting how I thought she would,” Yuzuru added.

Or maybe not.

I frowned. Why were they talking about me now?

“That’s because you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to.”

“What do you mean?”

“I heard about your argument from Jason and Gabby.”

“Well what was I supposed to say?” he hissed. “That definitely wasn’t part of the agreement.”

Brian sighed. “You weren’t supposed to make things worse. I asked you to spend more time with her. To support her, so she wouldn’t feel alone and would have some friends here. You know how hard it is to move here."

I scowled. So he hadn’t come last night because he wanted to be nice. Or because what he said earlier that evening wasn’t true. That maybe he actually did want to spend time with me. That wasn’t even the biggest reason I was upset. Sure, it stung, but it wasn’t like I wasn’t used to that anyway.

I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t need anyone’s pity.

Yuzuru should not have decided to hang out with me just because he felt bad for me. That was probably the only feeling I had for him that I was absolutely sure of.

Brian I could at least say cared for me. The extra care he’d provided in the past weeks was extremely kind of him. He was consistent. It’d only been a few weeks yet we’d begun to understand each other. He supported me as a person from the start.

But Yuzuru? I didn’t even know what I was supposed to think. Saying one thing then something completely different. Agreeing to spend time with me, because he felt bad for me? That wasn’t how a real, respectful relationship should’ve worked.

“I’m not telling her.”

“Yuzuru, I could care less if you told her. That’s not what’s important right now. Right now, you need to fix this and get along.”

“What am I supposed to do? She wants nothing to do with me.”

“From what I’ve heard, I’m not surprised. Apologize to her. Make this right.”

I got up. I’d heard enough. I would go home, take a nice shower and call my grandmother. I had to cool my head. I strode towards the locker room, hoping to fake enough confidence that I’d actually feel calm myself.

“Evgenia, can you come in?” Brian called as I passed the door.

_I guess that’s what I get for being careless and eavesdropping._

I looked up, biting my lip. Could he tell? Did he know I was there before? “Sure.” My voice shook more than I would’ve liked as I stepped inside Brian’s office.

“Take a seat.” I slipped into the empty chair across from the desk. “How are you?”

“I’m good. I hope the same for you?”

I gulped. “Yeah.”

He raised his eyebrows skeptically. “Really?”

“Really.”

He rested his head in his hand, analyzing me. “Your mother would say otherwise.”

I blinked. “And how come?”

“She said you cried yourself to sleep last week.” Brian looked down at the desk. “I want to make sure you’re doing alright. It’s tough, I know, but—”

“I’m sorry.” Yuzuru cleared his throat.

“For what?” I responded, unamused.

“My behavior. You’re right. I should’ve been more reliable, a better…”

I had had enough. Lies, pity, all of it. I shot back, “You’re not.” He blinked, bewildered.

“Huh?”

“If you were, you wouldn’t have said half the things you did. You wouldn’t have come last week. You wouldn’t have done anything you’ve done.”

“Huh?” Brian cut in. “What did you do?”

Words rushed out of him like a waterfall before he could realize what was going on. “World Team Trophy.” 

Well, that wasn’t what I expected.

“What did you do?”

“What’s even going on?” I exclaimed.

What was happening in general? What was supposed to happen then? Because that certainly wasn’t what I was talking about.

“I’ve given you time, and you need to figure out how you actually feel and what you’re going to do about it. Understand?” Yuzuru nodded solemnly. “Both of you take a breather and be back out in 10 minutes for practice.”

I stormed out of Brian’s office, Yuzuru’s soft footsteps following behind mine until we were out of the room. He increased his pace to a speed walk, trying to worm his way around me.

“Excuse you.” He turned around to look at me, his eyes wide, yet soft. I swallowed, trying to ignore that stupid, sick thrill running through my nerves. “Care to explain?” I said, exasperated. I wasn’t going to let him get away before giving him a piece of my mind.

“Well you already know everything. So what more do you want?” he said, snapping at me.

“I don’t know anything! You just come out and say who knows what after that whole thing.” I rapidly turned around, forcing him into a corner. “Hey! I am not leaving without answers. This is my life, too.”

“We’re supposed to be taking a breather,” he whispered quietly.

“How can I do that when I have so many questions because of you?” Angry tears began to sting my eyes. I bit my trembling lip, one tear falling no matter how hard I tried to stop it.

“Look what you’ve done,” he scolded himself under his breath in Japanese.

“No kidding. Look what you’ve done.”

Yuzuru looked into my eyes. I was just as bad as he was, wasn’t I? My stomach went queasy. He took his hand and held my face up gently to his, before he gently brushed away the tear. He let out a small smile, and my cheeks were instantly warm.

“Yuzuru, what's—”

“Zhenya, will you—”

“First, it’s Evgenia to you. Second, after all of this I need to think. You still owe me answers. What did Brian really mean by ‘your feelings?’” I didn’t back down from my location over him, hardening my gaze, waiting for a response. He stayed silent until I heard Brian’s door open from behind us, and I stepped back, anxiousness seeping back into my blood. “Well I should go,” I said, my voice suddenly quiet.

I turned the corner, quickly running into the nearest bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, my cheeks red and my eyes slightly swollen from the nightly tears. I was a mess. A dumb, gullible mess. I took a deep breath, running cool water on my hands and gently rubbing my eyes before walking back out.

He was waiting for me, his gaze intently trying to catch mine. I walked forward, trying not to pay him any attention as I tried to calm my heart from beating so rapidly. I thought I’d gotten at least some composure back. I thought wrong.

“I was wondering if at least we could, maybe, be friends at least?” he finally said. His voice was calm, oddly confident. Too confident. But I knew it too well. He was anything but. He couldn't fool me like that, not anymore.

“We aren’t friends, Yuzuru.” I continued walking.

“Then we can be. I miss your company.” He followed behind, keeping some distance between us.

“Don’t lie.”

“There’s so much more than that,” he insisted.

“You can stop trying to flatter me.”

I stopped suddenly and he almost crashed into me. I turned around to face him, meeting his eyes. I regretted it immediately. The way his eyes looked so warm, soft, as they gazed into into mine, I couldn’t breathe.

I stepped back, feeling the relief wash over me.

“I don’t want your pity,” I said, heading towards the rink, leaving him staring at my back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> I've been a little busy since the last update, and I hope to have the next parts up sooner than this one was, but I can't promise anything.  
> Yuzu's and, especially, Zhenya's nationals both had me a little :( I really hope she performs Exogenesis at least one more time.  
> Anyway, have a wonderful day/night.


	4. Starfish

“Are you ready to work?” Brian asked.

I nodded in response and we began working on my jumps. I could see Yuzuru in my peripheral vision watching me skate around and inspecting my technique. I told myself to ignore the butterflies and focus. If I was honest, I wasn’t sure why they were there. Was I that furious, or was I that naïve?

 _Zhenya, stop_. I came to improve, regardless of whoever was around me or not.

After jump after jump and correction after correction, my legs were sore. Brian left after we finished while I continued to work around the rink. Yuzu was still there and skated around the edge in deep thought.

Maybe that made it more difficult to ignore him. I couldn’t let his thoughts scare me. _Let him think whatever he wants about me. It doesn’t concern me._

I prepped for the Axel. Skating backwards before turning the other direction, I launched myself into the air. It felt strange as we had just worked on it but I suppose the landing was alright. It would have to do.

Yuzuru’s voice echoed throughout the rink. “You just worked hard.”

“Whatever,” I muttered. I had to step up and do it.

Lutz, I declared. Forcing the outside edge, I skated backwards and jumped. Less than a few seconds later, I was on the ice. I forced myself up as I chose the next jump I would do. Yuzuru started to clap. I glared at him from across the ice.

“You don’t need to rub it in.”

“I’m not. You used the right edge. That’s great.”

I huffed and crossed my arms before I started to skate around the rink. I refused to give in.

He skated backwards in front of me as I prepped and moved to the left before I launched myself into the air. A double lutz, with an okay landing.

Well, that was until I fell backwards on my butt. I took the opportunity to simply lie on the ice, spreading my limbs out like a starfish. The ice was unoccupied except for the two of us so I figured it’d be fine.

It was relaxing, but not in a strange way. I never had the opportunity to do this before. The cool ice and air kept me grounded, while the empty space around me would let my thoughts wander. I closed my eyes, dull colors flashing around the black abyss. The rink had gone quiet, not even the scratching of blades on ice.

I opened my eyes, watching Yuzu lay down next to me and mimic my starfish position. “Stay late tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“No reason,” he mumbled.

“I miss this,” I murmured after a few moments of comfortable silence.

“Huh?”

“When we would laugh just because. Or when we could sit together, doing anything or maybe doing nothing, and it’d still be the most natural thing in the world.” When we were friends. When I could trust him.

“We were never not friends, Zhenya.”

“Sometimes I think we aren’t. You would be so nice and like this and a few minutes later be so cold.”

Yuzu stared at the ceiling in silence while his dark eyes moved in thought. “Will you stay late tomorrow?”

“Why should I?”

"You understand.”

“Hardly.”

“You get it. You get me.”

“You’re doing fine. You don’t need me.”

“Well I still need you, no matter what you say.”

“You’re doing fine now. Ask Jun. Ask Jason. Ask someone you can talk to.”

“Jason already agreed to come next week.” So it wasn’t just me. Why did I want to feel special to him? “But you have special qualities that I can’t exactly describe, but I’d like to learn them from you.”

 _What was that supposed to mean?_ Either way, it piqued my curiosity. Butterflies started to fill my stomach as I thought about it more and more. If they were real, I probably could've been able to fly. But reality cut in.

“Is this really you? Nobody else? Just you?”

“It’s just me.”

“Promise me?”

“I promise."

“Very well, I accept your offer. I’d like to figure out this mysterious quality now.”

“You still have my number?” I nodded. “Looking forward to it, Medvedeva.”

"Looking forward to it.” I watched his eyes light up. I smiled.

But peace of mind can only last so long before more questions appear. I skated in circles around him.

“If we were friends, why’d you say all those things to me, then?”

He was suddenly solemn. “I don’t know. I was confused. Maybe I still am.”

“That doesn’t give you the right to hurt people. To hurt me.”

“I know.” His voice was soft.

“Then why’d you do it?” I pressed.

“I don’t know.”

“Surely you do.”

“I said I don’t know.”

“Tell me the truth.”

“Fine. You want to hear it? You make me sick, Zhenya. Whenever I see you I feel sick. I can't think, with the biggest head rush, the queasiness. I like you, Zhenya. Like that way. You happy now?”

His eyes widened as the words processed through his head. I swallowed. That wasn’t an explanation I expected.

“No, no no,” he cringed. “I wasn’t supposed to… it wasn’t supposed to be…”

“Do you… mean it?” My voice was quiet, barely a whisper.

His eyes found mine. They glistened in the light against the ice. “I mean it, Zhenya.”

* * *

Our time together finally came and I found him skating around the ice. He noticed me as I creeped in and quietly slipped off my skate guards. I could feel my heart start to race as I approached him.

How would he react after yesterday’s confession? Would he be resentful?

He went into a spin, and I lost count of the rotations. I skated closer to him, entering my own spin. He began to slow out of the corner of my eye, and he stood still, watching me, before he entered the same spin, going faster. I smirked. Of course Yuzuru Hanyu would turn it into a competition.

I tried to speed up but I began to slow and skated away while Yuzu kept on spinning. He continued for a few more seconds before he noticed my departure and began to chase me.

“What’s so funny?” he shouted as he tried to catch up to me.

I had begun to sprint down the rink. A thrill washed over me as I skid around the rink, watching him follow behind me in the mirror. Eventually my stomach began to hurt and I slowed down, collapsing into a ball on the ice. After my laughing fit concluded, I spread my arms and legs out on the ice like a starfish, once again, as I stared at the ceiling. Yuzu moved to stand over me with a smirk. “I caught you.”

“Okay. You can win.” I smiled, my heart beating out of my chest.

He joined me, lying flat on his back against the cool, calming ice.

“Did you really mean what you said yesterday?” I asked timidly.

“I’m not lying. And I’m sorry about all I’ve said. My emotions are no excuse.”

I turned my head to look back at the ceiling. I sighed as I listened to the beating of my heart. What was he thinking about?

I couldn’t stay mad at him. I was glad to have him back.

I felt something warm touch my palm and turned my head to see Yuzu moving his hand to hold mine, eyes still locked on the ceiling. I grasped his hand and the corners of his lips turned up. His cheeks started to flush and I couldn’t help but smile knowing how he felt. Words can lie, but reaction cannot.

I could feel my whole body begin to warm despite the air surrounding us. He held my hand a little tighter. I just couldn’t help myself.

He jumped up and shook his head. “Axel.”

I frowned, the cool air shocking me at the same time as Yuzu’s sudden change of heart.

“In my dreams,” I mumbled as I pulled out a tissue to wipe my cheeks and put Luna back on the boards.

* * *

I felt more confident as we skated off the ice. Yuzu had been nothing but supportive afterwards and helped me work a kink or two in some of my elements. I sat quietly on the bench as I took off my skates and did my best to discipline myself and not look over at him.

“I want to apologize, for everything that happened before.” Yuzuru started to untie the laces on his skates.

“What?”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you. That I didn’t explain anything. That I made you cry and made you confused. That I never spoke with you. That I ruined us. I hurt you and it was a huge mistake.”

“I can’t say I can forget it, but I’ll forgive you.”

He left with a small smile on his face. A smile that stayed in my mind until I closed my eyes that night, not a single tear falling.


End file.
